October 9th, 2011
The brightly lit sign said 'Odyssey on Ice',
a mysterious desert event that had arrived unannounced,
perhaps only communicated to those people whose earhorns
were attuned to the bullhorns of the local announcement
cars.
I had a mental image of Odysseus on ice skates and
108 greedy suitors pirouetting around his faithful wife.
My friend and I bought tickets and stood in the growing
lineup. I noticed a large part of the crowd were young
children and marveled at their precocious respect for
the Greek classics. It was heartening to think the curriculum
of the local grade schools was so sophisticated.
More intriguing than the theme of the entertainment
was the question of how they managed to get a skating
rink to stay put on a warm bed of sand.
We were among the first ones to be ushered to our seats.
The frozen gridiron where the Homeric drama was about
to unfold was quite small, about twice the size of Lincoln's
log cabin. And I admit I was puzzled by the large yellow
colored set behind the rink, which appeared to be an
Arabian mosque with three onion-shaped domes. I had
been unaware of the Persian influence in the architecture
of ancient Troy or Greece and I counted myself lucky
to be exposed to this new gospel of history. Already
the price of admission looked like a bargain, far less
than three course credits at any university's Department
of Classics.
When at last the spot lights came to life and the first
group of thespians propelled themselves through the
red curtains, I quickly perceived this extravaganza
was going to be something of a challenge. Since Homer's
original masterpiece was often symbolical, if not downright
allegorical, injecting it into a pastiche of quick-change
Disney characters managed to bury the narrative lines
so deeply below the flash and glisten of the strobing
colored lights that I was, almost from the very start,
not unlike Odysseus at sea on his bark. I was repeatedly
challenged by fantasmic and incomprehensible islands
of strange customs and behavior. Within twenty minutes
I experienced an profound longing for my homeland.
By the time the troupe took their last bows and the
audience began exiting the big tent, I had managed to
assemble a tatty mental concordance of characters and
events. Here are the highlights:
-
Penelope was played by Snow White
-
Calypso was played by a jinni who
looked nothing at all like Barbara Eden
-
Circe was performed by the Little
Mermaid
-
The lotus eaters were dressed up like
court jesters
-
There was a pentathlon of jugglers
-
The Seven Dwarfs were the sailors
who let the wind out of the bag.
-
Odysseus' ten year return voyage was
represented by ten intermissions where sales harpies
swooped down upon the audience with armloads of useless
baubles
-
The cyclops was an incredibly opaque
photographer who perpetually inserted himself between
you (and everyone else) and the entertainment
-
There was a Siren under a long platinum
blonde wig
-
For most of his journey, Odysseus'
ship was crewed by clowns
-
Woody, Buzz Lightyear and Jessie played
Poseidon, Aeolus and Athena.
-
The sacred cattle were mostly ticket
holders
-
At the bottom of the whirlpool was
a coven of trinket vendors
-
The winner of the archery contest
was the first person to thread the exit door after
the curtains closed